So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
