He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You dont lie about slip and slides
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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