We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
