just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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