If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
