so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She bit a glass in half.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
