Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
