I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
