It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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