you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk is not a location!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
