a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
two words...techno handjob
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
