I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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