Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize