I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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