recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
