im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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