i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Houston, we have a squirter
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
