forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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