Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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