it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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