my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
