What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
