Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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