am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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