it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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