Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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