Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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