It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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