I accidentally burped into my bong.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
