I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
