This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
