Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
