i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
