Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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