My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
