Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
