need another drink. this is the easiest way
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
