so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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