When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
