Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
