Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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