in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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