Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
from now on my penis is your penis
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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