Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
