I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
