She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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