my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
