i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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