Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Say something about gay babies.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I just sharted jello shots
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
