I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
