I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
