The maid of honor just puked.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
