She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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