hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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