Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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