she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
