Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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