bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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