I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
