im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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