I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
