You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
