It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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