you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
