Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
