Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
