Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
