my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
