It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
