my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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