i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
