i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He passed out mid-signature
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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