i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
