the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
