As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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