We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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